Browny, my dog died today, and there’s nothing I can do about it. His life was never in my hands, and all I can do was try to save him. But obviously, I wasn’t successful with it. You see, Browny is not just a dog. He was my baby, my best friend, my companion, my defender, MY ALL. Yes, he was my life and my world. And now he’s gone.
My Best Friend, My Baby, Died Today – It Happened Too Fast
Browny was diagnosed with Leukemia and the vet told me that the chances for survival were very slim. I tried to convince myself that the situation wasn’t that bad so I asked the good doctor if it’s a 50-50 kind of thing. And he said no, it’s less than that, more like 30 – 70. Still, I thought, my Browny is a fighter, I’m sure he can beat the odds. So I told the vet to please do everything he can for my dog. Sobbing, I told him to try to save his life no matter what, no matter the cost, because this dog here is my EVERYTHING. And he said he’d do everything he can.
The Love of My Lfe, Browny – The Confinement
Browny was only 6 ½ years old when he died. And in all those years, we were always together. Every day. We slept on one bed and he was always by my side. We did everything together. I work at home so he was never left alone. Sometimes when I had to do some errands I’d leave him for a while and he would always run after me. And when I return he kisses me like he missed me terribly.
When the vet told me that he needed to be confined so that he can be treated properly, I agreed with a heavy heart. I wanted to take him home, but he needs dextrose and injectable antibiotics. And he’s not used to being caged. Browny has never been caged, never been put on a leash – he’s a free dog. But I had to agree, for his sake.
That night I can barely sleep because I was always thinking about him. And I’m sure he felt bad when I left him at the doggie clinic. For 2 days, I would always go to the clinic in the morning and at night. I’d stay by his cage in the morning and talk to him and soothe him. I’d open the cage door and let him crawl on my lap, and just hold him. And I’d return at night to say goodnight to him until the clinic closed.
Browny wanted to go home. He would put his front legs on my shoulders and place his chin on my left shoulder to beg me to take him home. And it always broke my heart when I refused his plea. I explained to him that he needs medical attention, and that I promise to take him home as soon as he gets well. And like the good boy that he was, he would agree.
But I saw how weak he was getting, and how depressed he felt by being caged. He’s not used to that. He gets royal treatment at home. Our home.
I was talking to a friend about it and he advised me to just bring Browny home so he can rest and recuperate in a familiar environment. I considered his suggestion since the injectable antibiotics and vitamins only needed to be performed once a day. I can just bring him back every day for that, I said to myself. And if his dextrose gets dislodged, I’ll just bring him back too. So that’s what I did.
Taking Browny Home
Browny was so happy when I told him that we’re going home. So I carried him in my arms, got him in the passenger seat in the car and drove back home. He was happy to be back home, he walked around in his familiar garden and “marked his territory.” You know what I mean. All the while I was walking with him, holding his dextrose.
We both slept very well that night, side by side, on our bed. I missed the feeling of having him by my side. For two days, I slept alone (when he was confined). I can only imagine how he must have felt sleeping in a cage. And they said that dog hours seem longer. He must have felt confined in a cage for several days or weeks. Maybe he even thought that I would leave him there for good. So I knew he was happy to be back home. And every night we’d go back to the clinic for his injections. The whole thing lasted 10 days.
Watching Browny Fade Away
Browny never really got well. He became weaker and weaker. He hasn’t been eating and it’s making him very weak. When he tries to drink water, he vomits. And the daily injections were starting to hurt him too. He was sore all over because the vitamin shots needed to be injected on his back, and the antibiotics were injected on his hind legs. One day on his left hind leg and the next day on his right hind leg. He didn’t like it, but he always complied because he wanted to get well too. For his mommy.
The Last Days
I knew what was coming when he started pooping blood. He pooped blood on our bed, and he was really ashamed about it. He even tried to jump off the bed, but his dextrose restrained him from doing so. I told him it was alright. I didn’t scold him. I never scolded him. Even when he was well he never liked being shouted at or reprimanded. So I wasn’t about to scold him when he’s sick. I just cleaned him up and put diapers on him. This went on for a couple of days. All the while we were still returning to the clinic for his daily injections and check up.
Browny’s Final Day
Browny hasn’t been sleeping well during the last days of his life on earth. I think he felt it too, that he’s about to go. And he didn’t want to go to sleep, and sleep permanently. Even in his tired state, I would see him fighting off sleep. I’d push his head down to a sleeping position so he could rest, and sometimes he’d dose off a bit, and then he’ll raise his head again and look for me. And of course I was always there. I work online so I was able to keep an eye on him the whole time. And ever so often, I’d see him staring at me. Yes, just staring at me like he’s trying to be with me for as long as he can.
When it was really time to go, he called me. So I went to him. And he started vomiting blood. I was sobbing now, and knew that this was it. So I told him how much I love him and that he really was a good baby, and that I know how much he loves me too. After staring at me with love in his eyes for the last time, he went away. He stopped breathing. But I can still feel his heartbeat so I was still hoping against hope that maybe he was just sleeping. But the heartbeats faded after a while.
Browny is Gone Now
So Browny is gone now, and I feel my world crumbling down. I don’t know what to do, but I must accept it. Do I really have a choice? I really don’t know what will happen now. My joy, my life, my world, has been taken away from me. What now?
Browny – My Dog Died Today is dedicated to all those who lost their dogs too. It’s a sad thing when a dog dies, and sometimes we really can’t rely on other people’s support to get over the pain. Only those who have loved their dogs like they’re not dogs can really understand it.
If your dog just died, I understand how you feel. Be comforted with the thought that he or she is in a better place now. It’s harder for us who are left here. We will miss them and that’s alright. We’ll cry, and that’s alright too. Our beloved canine buddies may no longer be at our side to comfort us, but we mustn’t give up. We know that they’d want us to move on and be happy again. That’s how they are with us – always loving, always wanting what’s best for us. We owe it to them to try to be happy again. Eventually.
Browny, my baby, died today; and he has taken a piece of my broken heart with him. But he has left me with his whole heart; and that thought comforts me somehow. Browny is no longer with me physically; but no one, nothing, can ever take him from my heart.